The Hardware Dealer

Originally aired March 15, 1937, this episode of Fibber McGee & Molly finds Fibber stepping in to “help” when the local hardware dealer is called away. Proclaiming himself “Faucet Fixer McGee, foremost fishhook fancier and flush valve finagler,” he eagerly takes over the shop—only to bungle every customer request. From mismatched advice about screen doors to slapstick encounters with Mrs. Upson’s wobbly piano bench, Fibber saws the legs shorter and shorter until the seat is nearly on the floor.

Along the way, listeners are treated to visits from Silly Watson, Horatio K. Boomer with a suspicious car key story, and Harlow Wilcox trying to buy “planes” and nails amid McGee’s confusion. Musical breaks feature Ted Weems’ orchestra and Perry Como crooning “Moonlight and Shadows.” By closing time, Molly is exasperated, the customers are bewildered, and McGee still insists he’s a hardware man at heart.

Packed with wordplay, character cameos, and plenty of Johnson’s Glow Coat plugs, this installment showcases Fibber’s talent for turning a simple errand into an all-out comedy of errors.